Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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