If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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