Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
