I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My penis needs a shock collar
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
