Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize