my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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