i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
