my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
