So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
