Will you blow on my dice?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
