Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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