Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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