how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
