if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
