there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
