Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
