She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize