We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
