so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
