I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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