wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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