When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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