is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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