its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
