I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
