I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
They took my balls.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
