Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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