Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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