1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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