youre lurking in front of me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize