Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
