in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
