i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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