I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
