things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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