Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
