I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
