if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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