onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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