There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize