He told me they were just razor bumps!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
