R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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