Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
