so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
