her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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