I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My balls are so social today.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
