I'd wear matching sweaters with you
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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