I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And my parents said I crawled through the house
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
