; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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