these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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