you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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