The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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