when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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