Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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