Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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