i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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