Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Found your dick twin last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
