hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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