Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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