you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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