Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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