is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
