I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
