She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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