If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize