The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
