These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
