a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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