they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
