i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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