My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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