Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
