i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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