I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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