I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
