so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
