and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
