barbara walters just said penis...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
