So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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