jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
