if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
