Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
