I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
