i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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