I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
