Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
