im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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