roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
