I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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