accomplished twins. life is a go
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
