I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
