His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
