I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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