Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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