i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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