I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
