I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
