The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
