i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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