This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
