just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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