I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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