how hairy? two words: wookie tits
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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