I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
my poor anus
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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