can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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