...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
