matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
