Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
