Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize