Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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